I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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