Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
