Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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