broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
