You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
