Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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