nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We talked him into tasing himself.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
