Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
