The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize