I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my moral compass just broke
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize