My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize