woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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