After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
