it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
