Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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