a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
