does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
