you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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