well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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