Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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