True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize