Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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