You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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