That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
