Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
