I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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