u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
