shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
