remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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