Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize