god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
