Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i have two assholes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
