Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
People in love make me want to vomit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
