I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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