how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
