I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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