I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
