who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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