I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
