I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize