I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
