gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
