I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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