Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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