??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
