i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
