my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
