i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
