I hate all girls vehemently.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
