Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
