Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
