there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
