Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
