You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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