those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
