Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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