Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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