there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
