The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
