i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
