The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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