Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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