It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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