Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
