at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
