Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize