I will die if light touches me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
