mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This toilet bowl is my home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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