New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
