I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
