Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
