There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
